Ever felt like you’ve seen a film before?

Usually that nagging sense of déjà vu is just a trick of the imagination. A product of inspiration-lite directors regurgitating the ideas of other, invariably better, movies.

But when Exploding Helicopter watched Epicenter (2000) that feeling of familiarity was no mental illusion. Most viewers really had seen this film before.

That’s because Epicenter is a bona fide Franken-movie. No joking, folks. It genuinely has been made from large chunks of other movies, which have then been clumsily stitched together with a few original scenes.

And like the mad doctor’s ghastly creation it’s ugly to look at, lumbers along slowly, and deserves to be put out of its misery.

The plot

Nick Constantine is the disgruntled employee of a Los Angeles technology company. But rather than do what the rest of us would – ie. skive around on Facebook all day and loiter in the staff kitchen moaning about Barry from Accounts – he instead steals their plans for a top secret weapon.

We know: it sounds fool proof. But just as Nasty Nick is about to flog the blueprints to a group of shady mafia types, he’s arrested by a saucy undercover FBI agent. D’oh.

It looks like our boy is heading straight for the slammer until another entirely believable development occurs: a devastating earthquake suddenly strikes LA, destroying buildings and roads, and knocking out all communications.

With the city in chaos, the cop and the criminal somehow find themselves being hunted by illegal arms dealers and rogue CIA agents who all want the super-weapon’s specs.

So: a secret weapon, FBI, mafia, massive earthquake, rogue CIA agents and arms dealers – and all this happens within the first 20 minutes. In case you were wondering, this is not a Ken Loach movie.

Who’s in this?

Traci Lords: used to going down for her work
In the role of the heroic FBI agent we have the *ahem* legendary Traci Lords. Now the name may not be immediately familiar, but she was once the highest paid, most in-demand actress in the film business.

Or, to be more exact, the pornographic film business.

It’s true. In the mid-Eighties Madame Lords was the lonely man’s masturbatory fantasy of choice, starring in such seedily titled fare as New Wave Hookers, Black Throat and the pun-tastic Beverly Hills Copulator.

Unfortunately, the Princess of Porn’s reign ended in infamy when her real age was discovered. Turns out our Traci was barely 18, meaning her entire oeuvre had been made whilst she was a minor.

The ensuing scandal threw the adult entertainment industry into crisis and saw Lords herself arrested – although by this point in her career our Traci was probably used to going down for her work.

Her co-star is martial arts nearly-man Gary Daniels. He plays the criminal computer nerd Lords must bring to justice.

The Brit-born kickboxer was a B-movie action star during the Nineties. But unlike messrs Seagal and Van Damme, he never made the jump to top tier fare.

The problem was that Daniels could only really do one thing: beat people up. His thespian abilities were as wooden as the bokken sticks he routinely used to batter opponents.

Gary Daniels: transformed from action star to computer
geek simply by wearing glasses
And let’s face it: when someone’s watching Big Steve’s movies and thinking ‘I just wish I had such range…’, you know they’re in trouble.

All of which makes his casting here rather puzzling. Gazza’s role as a nerdy techno boffin almost by definition requires him to not crack any heads together, so we’re left watching the acting chops of a man who can only do karate chops. It’s like casting Timothy Spall as the lead in a martial arts cage-fighting movie. What on earth were they thinking?

And be warned: while his fellow actors were no doubt relieved to not be getting kung fu kicked in the gonads, for the audience this is still a very painful experience indeed.

Déjà vu

Let’s cut to the chase (or more accurately, cut to someone else’s chase): Epicenter lifts entire scenes from other movies.

Some examples: early in the film, there’s a sequence where a car chases an out of control trolley car. You might enjoy it if you hadn’t previously watched Eddie Murphy’s risible action comedy Metro (1997), where it first appeared. You can even see Murphy’s gurning face inside the vehicle.

Once the earthquake hits, destruction is wrought upon Los Angeles in spectacular big-budget style. Unfortunately, Epicenter’s budget barely stretched to Traci’s upholstered bras, so what you see are clips from other movies.

Those three characters trapped inside a damaged building, where the elevator fails and crashes? Hello, Speed (1994). That impressive subway crash? Hmmm, looks like Money Train (1995) Even the footage of the earthquake ripping buildings apart is nicked from The Big One: The Great Los Angeles Earthquake (1990) (TV Movie).

Ironically for a film about an earthquake, the shakiest aspect is the actual veracity of what you’re seeing.

Exploding helicopter action

But here’s a surprise! The exploding helicopter action appears to actually be an original sequence.

Pursued by corrupt government agents who are aboard a helicopter, Lords and Daniels take shelter inside a quake-damaged building. While the gunmen on the whirlybird try to shoot down the doughty FBI agent (who, in fairness, presents two almost unmissable targets), Daniels sneaks onto the roof of the building.

Grabbing a piece of broken masonry, Daniels hauls if over the side of the roof. The rubble plunges downwards into the rotor blades of the chopper. The damaged aircraft flies into the side of the building and then falls to the ground, where it explodes.

Artistic merit

In keeping with the film’s shoddy tone, this is a lamentable chopper fireball. The explosion looks unrealistic and the fuselage doesn’t disintegrate nearly enough to satisfy ardent chopper fireball fans.

Exploding helicopter innovation

However, there is a refreshing simplicity to this whirlybird conflagration. We’ve seen helicopters destroyed in all sorts of convoluted ways, but never by someone just dropping a bloody big rock on it.

It’s unsophisticated, but oddly satisfying.


‘Las Vegas is about to become beach front property.’ Ho, ho.

Review by: Jafo

New Music: Becca Feat. Bisa Kdei – ‘Beshiwo’

Becca and Bisa Kdei join forces on a brand new song titled “Beshiwo”.

The song is the pair’s latest collabo—followup to their hit jam “Hwe”, which was released early this year.

Like most Becca tracks, “Beshiwo” is very melodic and has an incredibly catchy hook. IMO Bisa was not needed on the song at all.

What are you waiting for? Press “play” to listen to her latest jam….

Woman Sentenced to Prison for 3 Months for Having Loud S£X

A woman has been sentenced to 3 months in prison for practicing ‘my neighbours know my name.”

The woman, Amanda Warfel, 25, from Pennsylvania pleaded “guilty to disorderly conduct after she kept her neighbors’ children awake with s*x so loud it shook their furniture for the last two years,” reports MailOnline.

She was ordered to spend 45 to 90 days in prison.

Though Amanda Warfel has already served her sentence, she remains in prison for other charges.

Her neighbor-Tanya Saylor said “Warfel, who shares a bedroom wall with their two teenage daughters in a York row home, had made their life ‘a living hell’ for the last two years. There was loud music, racial slurs, and s*x that only got more noisy when they complained,” the website states.

‘No child should ever feel like they’re in a p*rn every night,’ Saylor told the Indy Star. ‘All while being threatened at the same time!’

Saylor says the problem became unbearable to the extent that she began giving her daughters headphones at night before they went to bed and bought a television for their room to help drown out the sound.

But that was not enough as Warfel’s harassment, which could go on to 3am, still kept the girls up—such that they would struggle to get up for school.

Shots Fired! Samini Goes After Shatta Wale On New Single | Shatta Replies

Trust the dancehall musicians not to be left out of any beef in this industry. The dust hasn’t settled on the on-going hip-hop beef between Sarkodie and M.anifest and Samini surely wants to resurrect his age long rivalry with Shatta Wale.

Samini has thrown shots at his colleague dancehall musician Shatta Wale on his new single Vextra which is a cover to Beyonce’s Hold Up.

Samini reveals he is ready to take on the godMC and King Sark, lyrically.
The Highgrade Family boss made reference to recent social media banter between Prodigal and Shatta Wale as the later intended to play a concert in Nima where VVIP had already announced their concert.

In typical Shatta fashion, he has responded to Samini on Twitter albeit hilariously. The loud mouth no nonsense artist tweeted;

SHATTA WALE @shattawalegh Oh @samini_dagaati u deh worry ooo oh why da beef you kno chop finish…ok ade come

Well we are patiently waiting for his response to Samini.

Never Let Negative Thoughts About Your Size Weigh You Down’ – Plus-Sized Bride MzzNaki

Mzznaki Tetteh has become an overnight celebrity ever since she stood up for herself and kicked the asses of internet trolls who were fat-shaming her.

Her impressive self-confidence has become an inspiration to plus-sized women around the world who are constantly depressed because of their size. She said several people slide into her inboxes to share their weight insecurities and how she is inspiring them.

“My inbox is constantly flooded with messages about weight issues and insecurities and how I inspire some of you. I’m beyond honoured to think my life is making some impact,” she said in a new Instagram post yesterday.

“You should never let negative thoughts about your size weigh you down or keep you from living your dream life. If I had listened to nay sayers I would never be a nurse, I would never drive a car, I would probably go around wearing sack cloths with my head covered.

“I would never have opened a social media account and never posted any pictures online. Never let the petty minded busy bodies determine how you live your life. A life half lived should not be yours my lovely people!#stillconfident….”

animaliordinari Proudly Powered by Blogger